So blessed, so thankful
Tonight as I settle in for a night at the parents' house. The last night of a rough... Six months. I can only praise the Lord my God.
Six months ago when Dad woke up with a cold and the plan for me to tag along with him (while Mom had an ablation to quiet irritating nerves, so her heart could beat correctly) changed to my going in his place with her on that day, I never imagined that it would become the adventure it did.
The ablation could not be done. She had too many nerves that were misfiring, if he quieted them all, she would need a pacemaker, and she wasn't interested in that. So we spent a 12-hour day at the hospital, pretty much for nothing. She had to lay flat for 6 hours. She had to be fed food and drink, and couldn't sit up for that whole 6 hours, plus another couple after that. I had to fetch nurses for bedpan help, and any thing else she needed. I was fine. Glad I was able to be there! I couldn't imagine how miserable it would have been if she hadn't had someone. I did tease her, and jokingly ask,"is this a preview of things to come?" She laughed, said maybe, that she hoped not, at least not for a long time, anyway.
Well, I have been accused of being psychic a few times in my life (mostly by my very superstitious grandmother), but I prefer to believe that maybe the perception of things was preparation of the Lord.
We laughed so hard on the way home, and many times since at how the nurses seemed a little intimidated by the team the two of made. And they made sure we went home that day, even if it was 11pm.
She was disappointed to have not gotten the fix she hoped for, but she recovered quickly and settled on the fact that she was just going to keep feeling like she did.
In April, she had a sore spot on her wrist, so she went to Urgent Care. They said she had cellulitis, gave her an antibiotic and sent her home. About two or three days later, both parents got the flu. Back to Urgent Care. They got meds for the flu and in a couple days, both felt better. Then a couple of more days and Dad was well, but Mom was coughing more and feeling worse again and her feet were swollen. The look of her feet bothered me, but I trusted she knew how she was feeling, and she kept saying she thought she was getting better.
Dad had an appointment with their primary care physician, while they were visiting her, Mom mentioned that she had had the flu and was now coughing worse again. The doctor said it was bronchitis, but Mom didn't tolerate the last antibiotic, so there were none she could take, she'd have to try homeopathic remedies.
We tried. But the cough got worse, and so did her swelling. She did call the cardiologist about her feet, but they never returned her call. She trusted that they would eventually call, but they didn't (please harass your doctor's office if you think something is not right!!) After 10 days of waiting, she woke up swollen from her toes to her waist. She insisted on Dad taking her to the hospital. They said not bronchitis, CHF caused by A-Fib. A-Fib came from coughing when she had the flu. Three days in the hospital to get the fluid off and then "schedule a TEE and cardioversion to shock the heart into proper rythem". Simple enough. HA! (This was while my kids were on Spring Break in Oregon, so I stayed at the house with Dad at night. And another need was discovered )
About two days after that hospital stay, she bumped her arm, and the new blood thinner med made a hematoma, and it scared her back to Urgent Care. Urgent Care wasn't worried about the hematoma, but her 170-something heartbeat and high BP, made them insist she go to the hospital, even if she felt fine.
So they obeyed and took her. They told me, and the kids and I stayed at their house until I knew what was going on. She ended up back in the hospital. They gave her an IV of magnesium, when it was finished, she felt something strange, and told the nurse. Well they decided to think maybe it was a heart attack (it was not!), which triggered an angiogram instead of the test and procedure the doctor had wanted before. I had already planned to be there, so that was good. But that was my first panic. Hearing heart attack, even if it was a maybe, terrified me...
I was staying at the house with Dad. The kids were with a friend. I went to my room and cried like a baby!
I called Mom at the hospital, she told me not to be upset. That she was fine... I finally believed her. The test the next day was perfect, she was right (as usual!)
As soon as she got home from the hospital, she had the TEE and Cardioversion scheduled. I had class that day and wanted to skip to be at the hospital, but she ordered me not to miss school for her (final lesson on when to not obey the Mom, is right here!). I obeyed and went to class. That left Dad to sit alone while she had the procedure done. It didn't work. But that just means she wasn't made better. When Dad called me and said it failed, the way he said it, I wasn't sure if she had survived (the heart is completely stopped and restarted in a Cardioversion). No more waiting rooms alone for Dad!
Now came the reality that the only fix for Mom was a pacemaker and the ablation that would create a dependance on it. First step was the pacemaker. That meant another day at the hospital and overnight stay at my parents house. Fine, my friend said she would take the kids any time for overnight, no problem. But the semester was ending, I had tests almost every class. Oh well! Dad is not going alone (that means not without ME!)... Then God.
The procedure was set the day after my last class for the semester! Couldn't have been more perfect. Pacemaker went in perfect. Dad was sent home before dark, and I stayed and got Mom home before midnight ). The second phase of the procedure was set up for two weeks later. I noticed Mom had an unusual amount of bandage on the pacemaker incision site, but didn't ask (I'm asking many more questions now!). We went to the hospital for the ablation. The doctor looked at her chest and said," not today." The large bandage was not bandage. It was a large hematoma under small bandage. She didn't realize it was not supposed to do that. And she had a slight infection from the spot where they removed her loop recorder. So the doctor stopped her blood thinners and put off the ablation for two weeks and gave her an antibiotic. One week later... Mom found a snake in the garage. They caught it, but before she would let Dad throw it outside, she wanted to try to help it. It had wrapped itself up in packaging tape near it's head. As she tried to get the tape, the snake got scared and bit her (non-poisoness)! Back to Urgent Care. This time for a tetanus shot. Three days later, she had a rash on her back and chest and a warm red spot on her arm near the tetanus shot. Back to Urgent Care. They said she was allergic to the antibiotic she took the full course of and had finished 3 days before. And her arm was cellulitis, again. They gave her a different antibiotic, and told her benedryl for the rash, and sent her home saying in 48 hours she should see a difference. Thursday night, she wasn't sure she was improving, so at midnight she had Dad take her to the hospital. They were at ER until 5am... Said nothing to me until I stopped by at 8:30. And they were up, because they knew I was coming. They told me that the ER assured her that the allergy was not drug related, but that they didn't know what caused it. Told her to keep on, and the cellulitis was healing. I said ok, but ordered her to stay well. Well she doesn't always listen to me. And within three hours I received a call from Dad that she was again in the hospital, this time with 2 TIAs.
It was determined that the fix for the problem was to do the ablation sooner.
That brings us to now. She had the ablation yesterday, three days early.
And praise the Lord, it seems to be what she needed.
Well, I have been accused of being psychic a few times in my life (mostly by my very superstitious grandmother), but I prefer to believe that maybe the perception of things was preparation of the Lord.
We laughed so hard on the way home, and many times since at how the nurses seemed a little intimidated by the team the two of made. And they made sure we went home that day, even if it was 11pm.
She was disappointed to have not gotten the fix she hoped for, but she recovered quickly and settled on the fact that she was just going to keep feeling like she did.
In April, she had a sore spot on her wrist, so she went to Urgent Care. They said she had cellulitis, gave her an antibiotic and sent her home. About two or three days later, both parents got the flu. Back to Urgent Care. They got meds for the flu and in a couple days, both felt better. Then a couple of more days and Dad was well, but Mom was coughing more and feeling worse again and her feet were swollen. The look of her feet bothered me, but I trusted she knew how she was feeling, and she kept saying she thought she was getting better.
Dad had an appointment with their primary care physician, while they were visiting her, Mom mentioned that she had had the flu and was now coughing worse again. The doctor said it was bronchitis, but Mom didn't tolerate the last antibiotic, so there were none she could take, she'd have to try homeopathic remedies.
We tried. But the cough got worse, and so did her swelling. She did call the cardiologist about her feet, but they never returned her call. She trusted that they would eventually call, but they didn't (please harass your doctor's office if you think something is not right!!) After 10 days of waiting, she woke up swollen from her toes to her waist. She insisted on Dad taking her to the hospital. They said not bronchitis, CHF caused by A-Fib. A-Fib came from coughing when she had the flu. Three days in the hospital to get the fluid off and then "schedule a TEE and cardioversion to shock the heart into proper rythem". Simple enough. HA! (This was while my kids were on Spring Break in Oregon, so I stayed at the house with Dad at night. And another need was discovered )
About two days after that hospital stay, she bumped her arm, and the new blood thinner med made a hematoma, and it scared her back to Urgent Care. Urgent Care wasn't worried about the hematoma, but her 170-something heartbeat and high BP, made them insist she go to the hospital, even if she felt fine.
So they obeyed and took her. They told me, and the kids and I stayed at their house until I knew what was going on. She ended up back in the hospital. They gave her an IV of magnesium, when it was finished, she felt something strange, and told the nurse. Well they decided to think maybe it was a heart attack (it was not!), which triggered an angiogram instead of the test and procedure the doctor had wanted before. I had already planned to be there, so that was good. But that was my first panic. Hearing heart attack, even if it was a maybe, terrified me...
I was staying at the house with Dad. The kids were with a friend. I went to my room and cried like a baby!
I called Mom at the hospital, she told me not to be upset. That she was fine... I finally believed her. The test the next day was perfect, she was right (as usual!)
As soon as she got home from the hospital, she had the TEE and Cardioversion scheduled. I had class that day and wanted to skip to be at the hospital, but she ordered me not to miss school for her (final lesson on when to not obey the Mom, is right here!). I obeyed and went to class. That left Dad to sit alone while she had the procedure done. It didn't work. But that just means she wasn't made better. When Dad called me and said it failed, the way he said it, I wasn't sure if she had survived (the heart is completely stopped and restarted in a Cardioversion). No more waiting rooms alone for Dad!
Now came the reality that the only fix for Mom was a pacemaker and the ablation that would create a dependance on it. First step was the pacemaker. That meant another day at the hospital and overnight stay at my parents house. Fine, my friend said she would take the kids any time for overnight, no problem. But the semester was ending, I had tests almost every class. Oh well! Dad is not going alone (that means not without ME!)... Then God.
The procedure was set the day after my last class for the semester! Couldn't have been more perfect. Pacemaker went in perfect. Dad was sent home before dark, and I stayed and got Mom home before midnight ). The second phase of the procedure was set up for two weeks later. I noticed Mom had an unusual amount of bandage on the pacemaker incision site, but didn't ask (I'm asking many more questions now!). We went to the hospital for the ablation. The doctor looked at her chest and said," not today." The large bandage was not bandage. It was a large hematoma under small bandage. She didn't realize it was not supposed to do that. And she had a slight infection from the spot where they removed her loop recorder. So the doctor stopped her blood thinners and put off the ablation for two weeks and gave her an antibiotic. One week later... Mom found a snake in the garage. They caught it, but before she would let Dad throw it outside, she wanted to try to help it. It had wrapped itself up in packaging tape near it's head. As she tried to get the tape, the snake got scared and bit her (non-poisoness)! Back to Urgent Care. This time for a tetanus shot. Three days later, she had a rash on her back and chest and a warm red spot on her arm near the tetanus shot. Back to Urgent Care. They said she was allergic to the antibiotic she took the full course of and had finished 3 days before. And her arm was cellulitis, again. They gave her a different antibiotic, and told her benedryl for the rash, and sent her home saying in 48 hours she should see a difference. Thursday night, she wasn't sure she was improving, so at midnight she had Dad take her to the hospital. They were at ER until 5am... Said nothing to me until I stopped by at 8:30. And they were up, because they knew I was coming. They told me that the ER assured her that the allergy was not drug related, but that they didn't know what caused it. Told her to keep on, and the cellulitis was healing. I said ok, but ordered her to stay well. Well she doesn't always listen to me. And within three hours I received a call from Dad that she was again in the hospital, this time with 2 TIAs.
It was determined that the fix for the problem was to do the ablation sooner.
That brings us to now. She had the ablation yesterday, three days early.
And praise the Lord, it seems to be what she needed.
It's been difficult.
It's been busy.
In the midst of all her issues, my doctor finally noticed my irregular heartbeat. Though it's nothing severe, it is another of those things that baffles us (we're not blood related, I adopted them after I was grown and married! So genetics and lifestyle can't explain it). Where she is today, started like what my heart is doing now. We have joked many times over the last few months, that I'm getting a preview of things to come.
Plus obviously I had finals, and work, the children, church... But though all that made it busy, it isn't what made it difficult.
It's been busy.
In the midst of all her issues, my doctor finally noticed my irregular heartbeat. Though it's nothing severe, it is another of those things that baffles us (we're not blood related, I adopted them after I was grown and married! So genetics and lifestyle can't explain it). Where she is today, started like what my heart is doing now. We have joked many times over the last few months, that I'm getting a preview of things to come.
Plus obviously I had finals, and work, the children, church... But though all that made it busy, it isn't what made it difficult.
What made it difficult is these nasty things I have called emotions.
I love these people. I love a lot of people. But the difference with these two is that they love me AND I HAVE NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. I have no idea why they love me so much. We all just give credit and glory to God for knitting our hearts and minds so tightly.
When I adopted them, my biological family had crumbled. I still wanted a mother figure (who doesn't, right?), She was a thousand miles away, but even then I knew she only ever wanted God's best for me, we'd been friends for 10 or 12 years already, I knew she was a godly lady. She has always had an amazing husband, who always had something to say that could make you think, even if he was joking. I thought it was just my own observation, but in reality God had shown me that these two would be there to help guide me through the years ahead.
It's been great! We had a place to go for a holiday every year. I had a mom to call every week (like a good child should!), I suddenly had grandparents for my children and suddenly had children (after being assured it was not going to happen).
But something happened.
As a teenager, with a life full of abuse, neglect, and bullying, I determined to not let others get close enough to hurt me. And I managed to mostly turn off all emotions. It took about 10 years out of my mother's home, for me to start to understand the damage one does to themselves when they make that choice. And I did ask the Lord to undo what I had done. (At about the same time I adopted these two fabulous people)...
As time went on our hearts and minds United until we think alike in almost every way. It is very baffling at times. But also the love we have is immeasurable and beyond my understanding. I know God loves me most, but these two? I don't understand how or why anyone would love me as they do.
Over the last few months the reality that one day I will lose them (though temporarily because I will spend eternity with them in Heaven) became overwhelming at times. Though I was 99% certain 95% of the time that now was not when I was going to lose either of them, reality was brought to my attention.
I hate it. I hate how much only the idea hurts, the aloneness the thought brings is terrifying.
It makes them that more precious to me. And the fact that the knowledge that it's going to hurt doesn't motivate me to pull away, but draws me closer, is a proof to me that I am learning to let God make me feel again.
For now I will enjoy my blessings. God has restored my Mom's health. And when recovery is finished in a month or so, she will likely be healthier than I have ever known her to be. We should have opportunities to make many more memories.
Parents are a treasure.
Most of us don't get to have them very long.
All are given by God's choice (by blood or by adoption)
Most of us don't get to have them very long.
All are given by God's choice (by blood or by adoption)
I am so blessed and thankful.
Comments
Post a Comment