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Several weeks ago I had a very confusing time with one I have counted as a dear friend for many years. After a few conversations with them being out of character (from who I have always known them to be), making apologies that I needed to make, and an attempt to try to understand and fix the problem, this person said some very hurtful and untrue things to me. Slanderous to my character. Things that horrified me to consider might be true.

I went to the Lord in prayer immediately and within minutes He clarified their words. Over the following week life gave me several opportunities to prove that person right or wrong. My automatic response was to do the opposite of what was accused, and after adjustments to my schedule were done, those words echoed in my mind. A blessing to show me that I wasn't operating as I had been told I was.

I was thankful when I recounted the mess to Mom. She assured me that the other person was wrong and I was able to tell her I understood that because what the Lord had allowed me to see. 

While all this was happening, my daughter was sneaking around behind my back talking to people. My friends. Asking them to give her notes of encouragement to me about me so she could give them to me for my birthday. 

So, first thing on my birthday, I find a stack of notes and cards on the foot of my bed. Notes describing me as the kind of person I hope to one day be. Honest, generous, kind, loving, a person of integrity, one who knows the value of time, one who values others more than myself... I cried. So thankful to be alone 😊. So thankful to have my prayers answered so boldly, in a way I cannot dismiss or dispute. Blessed to see myself through the eyes of others. To know without doubt He heard my prayers and sees my heart as I minister through my life to as many around me as I possibly can, not for my glory, but for His. Amazed that this was being put together as I was fighting to know my own heart.

All those nice words are my goals for life. The person I want to be one day, because that is the kind of person Christ is, and I want Him to be seen when people look at me. 

He must increase and I must decrease. 

I fail often. I obviously failed with that particular friend, but God is gracious. He not only has allowed me opportunity to do better immediately after my failure, but He also blessed me with the encouragement I needed to keep on keeping on. 

I'm keeping every note, card and letter. Not only to encourage me in my dark moments, but to also remind me of the person I hope to one day become -- there is always room for growth and improvement, for more depending on Jesus to make me more and more like Him. 

Thank you to everyone who sent kind words to me. You really have no idea how much I needed it in this moment.  God is so good! 

I am truly humbled, blessed, grateful...